It’s rare that one should take wisdom from a rap song. But all rules have exceptions. ‘Mo Money, Mo Problems’ seems to defy such sound logic.

The concept is quite profound. One cannot begin to tally the literature filled with stories of those who believe that money (specifically, more money) will solve all their problems. In its most simplified form the problem exists in two ways: wanting something more or wanting something less.
More: things, toys, houses, cars, free time, travel, etc.
Less: work, errands, chores, etc.

Money can solve all of the above problems. But has anyone ever stopped to think about why that is actually valuable? It can only be because its presumed to bring us more happiness.

I’m not going to attempt to be profound and bore you with the myriad of studies that show conclusively that money and happiness aren’t linked (beyond basic need of survival). Instead I’m going to take on a new theory (or rather borrow from my good ol’ friend Notorious BIG), that more money, beyond a certain point, causes more problems.

Perhaps the single biggest reason that it’s so absurd, even insulting to entertain the idea that an more money leads to unhappiness is because we’re taught to spend our whole lives chasing wealth. If we work backwards (the end being the pot of gold and retirement), nearly every decision we make stems from the promise of financial gain: go to a good school, get a good job, make lots of money, the latter being the proof that the former are worthy pursuits. Too many have spent too long living under this assumption without once asking why do it all in the first place?

Even if more money doesn’t mean more happiness, avidly pursuing wealth doesn’t seem like a bad idea; at worst the critics are wrong (and money does lead to happiness), and at best one can expect to “break even”. In other words it’s a free roll: one cannot lose, they can only gain. The flaw in this theory (even if people don’t actively admit this, their actions seem to emulate this belief), is that the pursuit in and of itself is extremely stressful. People spend their entire lives under the delusion that more money (or more of anything) will bring them happiness. Ironically, it’s this very belief that causes them to be unhappy.

And let’s say one does acquire a decent chunk of change, even easily or through enjoyment, like say yours truly has. Ok, now what? The foolish who think they’re going to sip pina coladas on a secluded beach are neglecting the fact that it gets extremely boring after a few go arounds. Fulfillment (which is supposedly what you want that money for), doesn’t come from doing nothing all day. And besides, how much can you really spend on a few nice vacations? $5,000? $10,000? $20,000?
It’s like school, you’re so glad when it ends, and while it’s always bitter sweet when it’s time to start again, if you’re being honest you’re actually looking forward to it.
It’s not the work that bothers us, so much as the consistency of it. But once our batteries are recharged we’re ready to go again.

Then you buy a few nice things, the high of which fade away as fast as a bump of cocaine. Then either one of two things happen: you feel like an absolute putz for punting away the money you realize is so hard to get, or you keep chasing these cocaine highs your whole life, except through material form.

But it wouldn’t be so bad if the excitement of having money just wore off after a little while. You’d just be in the same mental spot as all the broke people, except with the knowledge that your life is really no different. No harm done. The problem is that having money actually creates more fucking problems. Assuming you weren’t an imbecile and kept most of it, you have to do something with it. That means making choices, most of which we know nothing about. And choices, especially hard ones which have big consequences, create a lot of stress. Because we kept our money we feel entitled to it. We know how precious it is and we have to nurture it, and constantly grow it. For those whom are saying, “you would just be content if you had (insert amount of money here), you simply are wrong. The truth is if you’re not content now you never will be. People always want more. And the addition of money to one’s current situation only expands that desire, not decreases it.
Still don’t believe that money is all relative? Think of all the people in the world that would be wishing to fill in the blank with YOUR life. If they were you they wouldn’t want anymore, so why should you?

So here we are with our million dollars, without a single fucking clue as to what the best investments are. Maybe we’ll buy a house, rent it out and if the market is just right hope someone else pays our mortgage. Of course there’s paperwork, meetings with the bank, real estate agents, loan applications, dealing with tenants whom don’t pay rent and property management companies who don’t tell us that our tenant paid rent. Stressful.
We may opt for a passive income like stocks. But then we’d consult with a broker, realize he too doesn’t know his ass from his elbow (because if he did he’d be investing his own money, not ours), but we’ll buy the safe stocks anyway because that’s what everyone else does. Maybe they’ll go up, maybe they won’t. But in the end it won’t really matter. We’ll just have a meeting with a lawyer and accountant about what to do if we ever sell, how to avoid capital gains tax, how to move our residence so we can sell our second home, but claim its our first so we don’t pay capital gains on that either.

We’ll complain when the tax laws change, start voting republican they offer some tax cuts, and pick up Forbes magazine to look for ideas. It will consume us instead of liberate us. And instead of spending weekends enjoying sipping pina coladas, (which by the way, don’t cost much money), we’ll sip them on our cell phone with our magazine. And we’ll wonder how we never have time to do the things we did when we were broke, and reminisce of the good ol’ days when we were just kids, and talk about how it all started.

I know because at times I’ve been one of these people. I also know some happy people with money. Sure there are some. The happiest of whom give it away.